I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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