They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
