I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
