At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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