I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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