I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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