I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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