I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
