It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
