i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's shark week go big or go home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
