I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
