Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
