My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
