You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
