If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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