My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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