My first STD was from a foam party
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
