How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
