Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
