We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
