he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
