it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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