i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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