i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
