He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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