Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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