Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
