Your dad touched me again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
