Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I am morally bankrupt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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