your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
