Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
