I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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