Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
