I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
