hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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