Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
