WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
