: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
