just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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