too bad you live with your parents still
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
