Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
