You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
