he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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