the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
