I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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