I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
be right there i have to get my cape
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
