Sponge bath it is.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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