everyone is single if you try hard enough
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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