Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
