I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
