just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
