then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
