Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
